The System is Abstract, Luckily, So Am I

Chapter 209 : Hello, I Need a Property Notarization

After the three lazybones woke up at noon, the five of them went out to eat.

It seemed to be an internet-famous restaurant. It had quite a bit of style even at noon, with luxurious decor and a candle on every table.

"Bufan, do you know what a burning candle smells like?" Lin Li asked Bai Bufan, having nothing to do after sitting down.

"The smell of paraffin wax," Bai Bufan answered casually while looking at the menu.

"Your sense of smell is only on the first level. In reality, you can smell the scent of burnt nose hair. If you don't believe me, lean in closer and try it." Lin Li looked expectant and simply brought the candle over.

Bai Bufan: "..."

*You motherfucker.*

"I believe you, I completely believe you, but take your candle and get the hell away from me." Bai Bufan decisively dodged.

The food at the internet-famous restaurant was okay, just a bit pricey.

After eating, everyone set off for the zoo.

When they arrived at the zoo entrance, perhaps because it was right after the lunch break and the ticket sellers had just started their shift, there was a short line at the entrance.

However, since they had already confirmed and made a reservation yesterday that the lottery tickets could be used, everyone wasn't in a hurry.

"Lin Li, four brothers attack a zoo. The eldest fights a tiger, the third fights a bear, the fourth strikes a snake. What is the second brother doing?" While waiting with nothing to do, Bai Bufan turned around and whispered to Lin Li.

"The second brother stabs an ape (ci yuan)." Lin Li sneered. The question was too simple, he solved it in a second.

*(Translator's Note: "Ci yuan" sounds like "er ci yuan" meaning otaku/anime fan).*

*Did he really think a question of this level could stump me?*

"Wrong, the second brother wrestles a penguin (bo qi)." But Bai Bufan also sneered upon hearing this and gave the correct answer.

*(Translator's Note: "Bo qi" sounds like "bo qi" meaning erection).*

Lin Li: "..."

*Fuck.*

*A question of this level actually stumped me.*

"There aren't even any penguins in this zoo, right?"

"There's always someone using QQ."

*(Translator's Note: QQ's mascot is a penguin).*

The line wasn't long, and it was soon the five of them's turn.

After Chen Yuying negotiated with the ticket seller for a while, she got five paper tickets and signaled everyone that they could go in.

But Lin Li didn't immediately follow. Instead, he stepped forward and knocked on the glass window in front of the ticket seller.

When the other party looked over, Lin Li pointed to Bai Bufan, who was idling behind him, and said:

"Miss, let me just say this first. We brought this monkey ourselves, it's not from your zoo. You have to help us prove it. Don't let the security guards stop us when we finish our tour and come out, saying we stole your zoo's monkey. That would be very troublesome."

Chen Yuying: "?"

Ticket Seller: "??"

Bai Bufan: "???"

*You motherfucker.*

*This level of aggressiveness is off the charts.*

Ding Sihan and Qu Wanqiu couldn't hold it in at all. They covered their mouths, squatted on the ground, and started laughing. Chen Yuying also looked helpless, resting her forehead on her arm against the window, her body trembling slightly.

"...Oh, oh, haha, okay, you can bring it in. I'll help you prove it. Wait, has it been vaccinated? If you have a health and immunity certificate, it's best to show it hahaha—" When the ticket seller realized what was going on, she couldn't hold it in either.

"Bufan, get your health certificate. I'll reward you with a banana later," Lin Li turned around.

"Why are you playing along, Miss! Fuck, Lin Li, I take my eyes off you for one second, and you pull this shit! You really deserve to die!" Bai Bufan rushed forward, put Lin Li in a headlock, and forcefully dragged him towards the entrance, gritting his teeth.

*I really have to watch out for this guy anytime, anywhere. He's too dangerous.*

It was a very humane zoo. In the end, they didn't ask for Bai Bufan's pet vaccination certificate and let them through.

"The zoo really has a small variety of animals. Dogs are even considered one of the exhibition animals."

Lin Li sighed as soon as he entered.

After entering the main gate, the first enclosed area contained dogs. And precisely because they were dogs, the fence wasn't high, and there was no glass protection. There were several dogs inside, and a few close to the fence allowed passersby to pet them.

"But they're so cute. A rural dog of this quality would probably cost a few thousand yuan," Ding Sihan sighed.

The dogs here had pure coat colors and well-proportioned bodies. They were indeed very good-looking and had good temperaments. Although they were called "dirt dogs" (local dogs), the ancestors' strict selection was never a joke.

"Wangcai, come here." Following the notes on the introduction board, Ding Sihan squatted down and made kissing noises at a dog, and the dog really ran over to let her pet it.

Their temperaments seemed very good.

"Wangwang, Dahuang... The names of the dogs here are too dog-like," Qu Wanqiu sighed after reading the names of the other dogs on the introduction board.

Lin Li was about to speak when he saw a hand quickly cover his mouth. Bai Bufan first sneered at him, then said: "There's none named Lin Li? That would be the most dog-like name."

Hearing this, the girls recalled Lin Li's actions just now, nodded in agreement, and laughed.

Lin Li didn't speak, just looked at Bai Bufan.

Seeing that Lin Li didn't say anything, the girls followed his gaze to Bai Bufan, and then started laughing a second time.

Bai Bufan: "?"

*No?*

*Lin Li didn't say anything, why are you guys still looking at me and laughing!?*

*Is my dog persona already so deeply ingrained?*

When Bai Bufan dejectedly let go of his hand, Lin Li moved very quickly. He squatted down near the fence and reached out to the rural dogs: "Bufan, come here."

When he saw most of the dogs in the enclosure running towards Lin Li, Bai Bufan was dumbfounded.

"Lin Li, come here." To defeat magic with magic, Bai Bufan immediately squatted down and started calling out to a dog.

No response.

*It's fine. If the mountain won't come to me, I'll go to the mountain. If this dog isn't willing to be a dog that comes and goes at my beck and call, I can be.*

So he ran to the dog's side.

"Bufan, spin around." Lin Li twirled his finger in front of the rural dogs. Perhaps someone in the zoo had trained them, because several dogs actually started spinning around following his finger.

"Bufan, shake hands." The closest dog obediently reached out its paw and placed it on Lin Li's palm.

"Lin Li, spin around."

"Lin Li, shake hands."

Bai Bufan copied him, but there was absolutely no response on his side.

"..."

*Fuck.*

*Comparing a dog to a person will anger the dog to death. Bai Bufan is going to get depressed.*

Seeing this, Lin Li smiled smugly.

Not everyone has the buff of a 50% increase in spirit beast affinity. Moreover, he still had "Bai Bufan's sausage" hidden in his hand.

Although feeding is prohibited in the zoo, it wasn't a big deal. When Lin Li was being bad, he would even trick dogs.

"Mom, that dog named Bufan is so smart." There were many families with children in the zoo. A child being held in someone's arms was also here, and at this moment, he marveled at Lin Li's dog training skills.

Bai Bufan: "..."

Human joys and sorrows are not connected. Except for Bai Bufan, the other four people laughed exceptionally happily.

"Bufan, children speak without filter, don't take it to heart hahahahaha." In situations where he could laugh at Bai Bufan, Lin Li was never polite. He patted his shoulder heavily, winking and speaking sarcastically.

"But Mom, that dog named Lin Li is so stupid." At this time, the child pointed to the dog that Bai Bufan kept calling but didn't respond, shook his head, and said disdainfully.

Lin Li: "?"

*Eh?*

"Hahahahaha—"

The girls completely lost it this time. The three who had just stood up squatted down laughing again. Ding Sihan even felt her stomach hurting a bit.

The depressed Bai Bufan was instantly cured. He patted Lin Li's shoulder in return: "Lin Li, children speak without filter, don't take it to heart."

"..."

"How can it be without filter (wu ji)? That's a little boy, he definitely has a filter (ji ba), right? Since he has a filter, he deserves a beating!" Lin Li found an excuse.

*(Translator's Note: A pun on "wu ji" / without filter and "ji ba" / penis).*

His face was cold as he rolled up his sleeves, ready to relive the classic childhood 4399 game—"Crazy Beating Kids."

*There's one more kid in this world who needs to fly!*

"No need, no need, no need," Bai Bufan laughed loudly while holding Lin Li back.

*(End of Chapter)*